ugh...

so while the rest of you have been either enjoying being part of the black friday blitz or wallowing in your leftovers, i on the other hand, have been up since about 1:32 am (i looked) puking my brains out. nice, huh? no.

i swear i think i am going to die. i don't know what's wrong with me. no fever. just lots and lots of throwing up. i have been lying in bed for most of the day in the fetal position waiting for the grim reaper of death to silently take me.

i think i scared him away with all my wretching.

um...yeah...

you might be a red neck if...

when your neighbors wake up early on a saturday morning and walk out their front door to be greeted with the lovely site of a dead deer hanging upside down from their basketball hoop. can you say nasty?

um...yeah.

grrrr...

you know when your kids act like you have no idea what the heck you're doing?! it makes me sooooooooooooo crazy. i don't care if i know what i'm doing or not! i am the mom. i am in charge around here. ggrrrr.

hmmm...

conversation that took place over 17 years ago between a very tall guy (6'5") and a very short girl (4'11") during that difficult 'pre-dating' phase of the relationship...

her: (trying to break the ice) so, you're really tall.

him: (only mildly annoyed with hearing the same comment that every
person he has ever met has said to him!) yep

her: (still trying to break that ice) so, do you play basketball?

him: (still only mildly annoyed) uh no, do you play miniature golf?

and you know, for a minute i seriously considered never speaking to him again. but i got over it. a long time ago. today we celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary! happy anniversary big guy.

uh...no.

don't send me your hate email. i won't answer it. i won't even acknowledge it. it won't even hurt my feelings. not this time. sorry. but not really. you know how some people have pets? and they love them, feed them, buy them toys, get their shots updated, get their pictures taken, get them manicures, make playdates for them, dress them, take out second mortgages for their surgeries, yada, yada, yada...well, i am not one of those people. like i said, sorry. but not really. i'm just not. i have tried to love our pets like one of own kids. i just don't have it in me. now don't translate that into me being cruella deville. i am not mean to animals at all. i feed them and take them out to go potty and an occasional walk around the block. i have children who make up for my lack of-what do you call it anyway?-by loving our family pets. so it's all good.

now. i recently acquired a little shiitzu (careful with that pronunciation). i thought he would be a nice little pet. he came with the following instructions: just feed him a little in the morning and at night and let him run around outside after he does his business. get his hair cut every year for summer. simple. even for me. no playdates. one haircut a year. he even came with a name already. well. now that i look back i am questioning why someone would want to give up a perfectly good dog. hmm...maybe because he's not perfect? could it be?

let's discuss the delicate subject of anal sacs, shall we. or not. you have google. look it up. and there are also videos on how to safely express these anal sacs at home. okay. i think it's pretty clear by now that i am not up for this. don't hate me because i am not an animal person. it is what it is.