tag, so i guess i'm it...

so motherboard tags me with this! NOT because she thinks it's difficult to come up with 7 weird things about myself but because it would be more difficult to STOP at 7! she already knows so many of my quirks. and now so will everyone else! yikes! here goes...

1. i hate mushrooms. with a purple passion. i will spend alot of time picking mushrooms off a piece of pizza before i risk eating one. (they hide them under the cheese, you know) i substitute cream of everything before i use cream of mushroom soup in anything. i would eat abc gum before i ate a mushroom. i hate them that much.
2. i once wanted to be a police officer. that was before not meeting a height requirement was considered discrimination. someone didn't think i could be very intimidationg at 4'11" and 99 pounds. they didn't know me very well! i've moved on.
3. i want to raise alpacas. they are so cute, and good pets, and their hair is worth a gob of money. you know what i love best about them? they poop in one place. ONE PLACE! how perfect can an animal be? it loves your kids, makes you money and POOPS IN ONE PLACE?!? i want ten!
4. i hate cotton balls. not all of them, just certain ones. the ones that squeak when you rub them between your fingers. bet you didn't know there were squeaky cotton balls, did you? they are wicked. i saw a girl on a talk show once who almost had a nervous breakdown over squeaky cotton balls. the fear is real. stop laughing.
5. i have had 5 (count them!) c-sections! is that crazy or what? only one of them was planned, too. yes, they hurt but they have wonderful medications for that. now if i could just save up enough $$ for that tummy tuck...
6. i live in a town where the school mascot is, are you ready for this, a PRETZEL!!!I have lived here over a year and my kids still won't wear clothing with the mascot printed on it. can you blame them? the pretzels? is that twisted or what? the sports teams in our schools are pretty tough to beat. that's because they have to work extra hard out there to defend their honor with a mascot called the PRETZELS! lame.
7. i got a concussion when i was 15. i was walking home from school one day when a cute guy in a car drove by and cat-called me! i was checking him out and when he passed by i spun around and ran right into a light pole! it showed up out of nowhere and knocked me right on my butt! i stumbled into the nearest jack-in-the-box and had someone call my mom to come and pick me up. how embarrassing is that? uh, VERY!

so now you know.

desi is my gypsy girl. one day she's in georgia and the next thing i know she is in phoenix. you never know where she's gonna be cuz she doesn't even know where she's gonna be. wherever the wind blows her. and she usually lands on her feet. i love this girl so much. i worry about her even more. i just want her to land somewhere. and stay there. and for some wonderful prince to ride up on his white stallion and rescue her from herself.

mostly i just want her to be happy. and not so dang naughty.

i am sorry to say this but i can't be your friend. i know you are probably a great person and all that but i just can't risk it. i know that we could probably find some things in common, which is how most great friendships begin. we might even be able to laugh at some stuff together, even each other, which would only make us that much closer. we could talk on the phone occasionally and just check and see how the other is doing, but that would lead to setting up times to get together. to talk. or do stuff. or laugh. or go places with our kids. and then, before you know it, we are part of each other's lives without even meaning to be. pretty soon we're sharing secrets, fears, memories, ideas...

see, i know all about this friendship thing. i've done it several times and will probably do it again. no matter how i try to to avoid it, it will sneak up on me. by the time i realize it, it will be too late, i will be in too deep. and i will have already gone and done all those things that friends do...laugh, talk, share, do stuff, go places. yep. sucked in...

and then it happens. the friend moves. never down the street. or across town. or heaven forbid, next door. no. halfway across the world. another friend moving to another state. yes i have a phone. yes i can write emails. we all know it's not the same. who is going to sit next to me in relief society and cry? who am i going to kidnap and take out for ice cream late at night? who is going to patiently give me directions to her house even though i have driven there 40 thousand times? who is going to understand that it is normal for me to occasionally sit in my car with the windows rolled up and just scream? who?

that's why i can't be your friend. so don't ask. because when you call me and tell me you are moving i will act and sound excited for you and your family. because i have good manners. but i will be crying on the inside. and sometimes on the outside. don't feel sorry for me. i am in self preservation mode and don't need pity. just time. and space. and tissue. lots of tissue.

second grade sucks...

so most people know that i assist children with special needs in the elementary schools. i love this job so much. i love the kids. it's the parents that sometimes drive me a little nutty. conversation between me and a student i work closely with.

me: let's get your homework turned in so we can get to work.

him: i don't have my homework.

me: oh, did you forget it at home?

him: yes, it's at home. but i didn't do it.

me: oh, do you need extra time to finish it?

him: no. can we just get to work now?

me: well, if you need extra time, i can let you do that. just bring it to me tomorrow and it will be fine.

him: i can't turn it in. my mom threw it away. she said you peoplele make too big a deal out of second grade and not to worry about it. can we get to work now?

me: um...ok.

someone's mom is not getting 'mother of the year' this year. jeez.

dang...

so i am upstairs doing some homework (which is totally taking over my life, by the way) and i hear this 'blood curdling, bowel liquifying, omg i think someone just slaughtered someone in my basement' kind of scream! really i did. so i run like the wind (like the wind?!?) downstairs and find alyx. alive. not slaughtered. but very distraught. standing there in the laundry room with her arms full of ruined (so she thinks) clothing.

apparently, a tube of cherry flavored chapstick will fare well in the pocket of a very cute pair of denim capris through the washing machine.

the dryer is a different story.