Tracy's Tree House

am i being too critical?

2009-01-18T20:38:00.001-08:00

so i move back to missouri. that's cool. it's a beautiful place. fall is fabulous, spring is the best, summer could be a little drier, and snow in winter is minimal. so i guess i have no complaints about the weather.

i also have a great job working with some great people! i work with adults with disabilities and some days it is such a hoot! they are so honest and untouched by the frivolous cares of the world. i just love them. nope. no complaints about the job.

okay, here goes. i was in walmart the other night and made some observations. i don't want to be too critical but i know dang well this town is full of dentists. mine and my family's teeth are very important to me. oral hygeine around here begins before you have teeth.

so...could it be that teeth are now considered optional?

????

2008-12-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

is it possible to actually, factually physically die from total, life altering embarrassment?

hmm...just wondering.

ugh...

2008-11-28T19:08:00.000-08:00

so while the rest of you have been either enjoying being part of the black friday blitz or wallowing in your leftovers, i on the other hand, have been up since about 1:32 am (i looked) puking my brains out. nice, huh? no.

i swear i think i am going to die. i don't know what's wrong with me. no fever. just lots and lots of throwing up. i have been lying in bed for most of the day in the fetal position waiting for the grim reaper of death to silently take me.

i think i scared him away with all my wretching.

um...yeah...

2008-11-23T17:45:00.000-08:00

you might be a red neck if...

when your neighbors wake up early on a saturday morning and walk out their front door to be greeted with the lovely site of a dead deer hanging upside down from their basketball hoop. can you say nasty?

um...yeah.

grrrr...

2008-11-18T18:08:00.000-08:00

you know when your kids act like you have no idea what the heck you're doing?! it makes me sooooooooooooo crazy. i don't care if i know what i'm doing or not! i am the mom. i am in charge around here. ggrrrr.

hmmm...

2008-11-16T15:57:00.000-08:00

conversation that took place over 17 years ago between a very tall guy (6'5") and a very short girl (4'11") during that difficult 'pre-dating' phase of the relationship...

her: (trying to break the ice) so, you're really tall.

him: (only mildly annoyed with hearing the same comment that every
person he has ever met has said to him!) yep

her: (still trying to break that ice) so, do you play basketball?

him: (still only mildly annoyed) uh no, do you play miniature golf?

and you know, for a minute i seriously considered never speaking to him again. but i got over it. a long time ago. today we celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary! happy anniversary big guy.

uh...no.

2008-11-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

don't send me your hate email. i won't answer it. i won't even acknowledge it. it won't even hurt my feelings. not this time. sorry. but not really. you know how some people have pets? and they love them, feed them, buy them toys, get their shots updated, get their pictures taken, get them manicures, make playdates for them, dress them, take out second mortgages for their surgeries, yada, yada, yada...well, i am not one of those people. like i said, sorry. but not really. i'm just not. i have tried to love our pets like one of own kids. i just don't have it in me. now don't translate that into me being cruella deville. i am not mean to animals at all. i feed them and take them out to go potty and an occasional walk around the block. i have children who make up for my lack of-what do you call it anyway?-by loving our family pets. so it's all good.

now. i recently acquired a little shiitzu (careful with that pronunciation). i thought he would be a nice little pet. he came with the following instructions: just feed him a little in the morning and at night and let him run around outside after he does his business. get his hair cut every year for summer. simple. even for me. no playdates. one haircut a year. he even came with a name already. well. now that i look back i am questioning why someone would want to give up a perfectly good dog. hmm...maybe because he's not perfect? could it be?

let's discuss the delicate subject of anal sacs, shall we. or not. you have google. look it up. and there are also videos on how to safely express these anal sacs at home. okay. i think it's pretty clear by now that i am not up for this. don't hate me because i am not an animal person. it is what it is.

onward...

2008-10-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

i wanna go home. home is missouri. not illinois. not kansas. it's that place where our life together really began. where i first noticed the change in seasons. where i learned to appreciate long walks. where i learned it was okay to play in the rain. where i want my kids to grow up. where my husband loosens his tie and relaxes. where my kids tell me "dad is different here". where we feel comfy and safe and warm.

the application and money have been sent and received. i remember when marty took the illinois bar not that long ago. and when he said he would NEVER do that again! i am always amazed at what he will do for our family so that we have that comfy, safe and warm feeling of home. it's all good.

and we're ready.

go girl...

2008-10-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

just wanted to give a little shout out to a new blogger, girl alyx. she is an awesome writer. you are gonna love her almost as much as i do. goodbyedesperado.blogspot.com

tag, so i guess i'm it...

2008-09-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

so motherboard tags me with this! NOT because she thinks it's difficult to come up with 7 weird things about myself but because it would be more difficult to STOP at 7! she already knows so many of my quirks. and now so will everyone else! yikes! here goes...

1. i hate mushrooms. with a purple passion. i will spend alot of time picking mushrooms off a piece of pizza before i risk eating one. (they hide them under the cheese, you know) i substitute cream of everything before i use cream of mushroom soup in anything. i would eat abc gum before i ate a mushroom. i hate them that much.
2. i once wanted to be a police officer. that was before not meeting a height requirement was considered discrimination. someone didn't think i could be very intimidationg at 4'11" and 99 pounds. they didn't know me very well! i've moved on.
3. i want to raise alpacas. they are so cute, and good pets, and their hair is worth a gob of money. you know what i love best about them? they poop in one place. ONE PLACE! how perfect can an animal be? it loves your kids, makes you money and POOPS IN ONE PLACE?!? i want ten!
4. i hate cotton balls. not all of them, just certain ones. the ones that squeak when you rub them between your fingers. bet you didn't know there were squeaky cotton balls, did you? they are wicked. i saw a girl on a talk show once who almost had a nervous breakdown over squeaky cotton balls. the fear is real. stop laughing.
5. i have had 5 (count them!) c-sections! is that crazy or what? only one of them was planned, too. yes, they hurt but they have wonderful medications for that. now if i could just save up enough $$ for that tummy tuck...
6. i live in a town where the school mascot is, are you ready for this, a PRETZEL!!!I have lived here over a year and my kids still won't wear clothing with the mascot printed on it. can you blame them? the pretzels? is that twisted or what? the sports teams in our schools are pretty tough to beat. that's because they have to work extra hard out there to defend their honor with a mascot called the PRETZELS! lame.
7. i got a concussion when i was 15. i was walking home from school one day when a cute guy in a car drove by and cat-called me! i was checking him out and when he passed by i spun around and ran right into a light pole! it showed up out of nowhere and knocked me right on my butt! i stumbled into the nearest jack-in-the-box and had someone call my mom to come and pick me up. how embarrassing is that? uh, VERY!

so now you know.

2008-09-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

desi is my gypsy girl. one day she's in georgia and the next thing i know she is in phoenix. you never know where she's gonna be cuz she doesn't even know where she's gonna be. wherever the wind blows her. and she usually lands on her feet. i love this girl so much. i worry about her even more. i just want her to land somewhere. and stay there. and for some wonderful prince to ride up on his white stallion and rescue her from herself.

mostly i just want her to be happy. and not so dang naughty.

2008-09-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

i am sorry to say this but i can't be your friend. i know you are probably a great person and all that but i just can't risk it. i know that we could probably find some things in common, which is how most great friendships begin. we might even be able to laugh at some stuff together, even each other, which would only make us that much closer. we could talk on the phone occasionally and just check and see how the other is doing, but that would lead to setting up times to get together. to talk. or do stuff. or laugh. or go places with our kids. and then, before you know it, we are part of each other's lives without even meaning to be. pretty soon we're sharing secrets, fears, memories, ideas...

see, i know all about this friendship thing. i've done it several times and will probably do it again. no matter how i try to to avoid it, it will sneak up on me. by the time i realize it, it will be too late, i will be in too deep. and i will have already gone and done all those things that friends do...laugh, talk, share, do stuff, go places. yep. sucked in...

and then it happens. the friend moves. never down the street. or across town. or heaven forbid, next door. no. halfway across the world. another friend moving to another state. yes i have a phone. yes i can write emails. we all know it's not the same. who is going to sit next to me in relief society and cry? who am i going to kidnap and take out for ice cream late at night? who is going to patiently give me directions to her house even though i have driven there 40 thousand times? who is going to understand that it is normal for me to occasionally sit in my car with the windows rolled up and just scream? who?

that's why i can't be your friend. so don't ask. because when you call me and tell me you are moving i will act and sound excited for you and your family. because i have good manners. but i will be crying on the inside. and sometimes on the outside. don't feel sorry for me. i am in self preservation mode and don't need pity. just time. and space. and tissue. lots of tissue.

second grade sucks...

2008-09-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

so most people know that i assist children with special needs in the elementary schools. i love this job so much. i love the kids. it's the parents that sometimes drive me a little nutty. conversation between me and a student i work closely with.

me: let's get your homework turned in so we can get to work.

him: i don't have my homework.

me: oh, did you forget it at home?

him: yes, it's at home. but i didn't do it.

me: oh, do you need extra time to finish it?

him: no. can we just get to work now?

me: well, if you need extra time, i can let you do that. just bring it to me tomorrow and it will be fine.

him: i can't turn it in. my mom threw it away. she said you peoplele make too big a deal out of second grade and not to worry about it. can we get to work now?

me: um...ok.

someone's mom is not getting 'mother of the year' this year. jeez.

dang...

2008-09-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

so i am upstairs doing some homework (which is totally taking over my life, by the way) and i hear this 'blood curdling, bowel liquifying, omg i think someone just slaughtered someone in my basement' kind of scream! really i did. so i run like the wind (like the wind?!?) downstairs and find alyx. alive. not slaughtered. but very distraught. standing there in the laundry room with her arms full of ruined (so she thinks) clothing.

apparently, a tube of cherry flavored chapstick will fare well in the pocket of a very cute pair of denim capris through the washing machine.

the dryer is a different story.

school days...

2008-08-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

i love school! i love working in one. i love being a student. i just love it. i took my first 3 tests tonight and i did gooooooooood! anatomy-A! med. terminology-A! pre-transcription-B. i'll take a B, not a problem. i was freaking out about the anatomy test. this class is making me use parts of my brain i forgot were there. it's exciting tho. i can't wait till we check out the cadaver! am i gross or what?! cassidy wanted me to ask the instructor if she could come with me! she's gross too!

so off i go to study some more. i wish i was this motivated when i was in high school. i could've kicked some academic butt.

blog on!

2008-08-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

you know, i have a million things i need to do right now. there's laundry (tons of it!) and the little girls need baths, the dishes need doing, homework needs doing (my own!), the list goes on and on. but i was just reading through some blogs that i look at pretty regularly and some new ones too, and i just have to make a comment or two or ten!

first of all, i am absolutely amazed by the positive exposure that the neilsen family has received this last week! wow! i don't know these people and probably never will but they have touched my heart. and this wouldn't even be possible if they hadn't touched so many other hearts. see what i'm getting at? how being kind, and generous and loving one another gets passed on? go ahead, be amazed cuz it is amazing.

another thing i'm thinking about is just how great this blogging thing has been for me. even though i am not as diligent at writing as i am about reading, i love the social aspect of it. i need that. so for those of you who take the time to read my stuff , thank you. i appreciate your comments and thoughts and friendship! you can never have too many.

and i am speaking for myself when i say thank you for sharing your 'real life'. it is refreshing for me to know that someone else out there is having some of the same challenges that i experience occasionally. it would be great if we all had the perfect little life but we all know we don't. it's just nice to know that you're not alone, cuz there are some days when a person might feel that way.

so i guess this was just a little post about some observations that i've made lately. and how much i appreciate the power of humor and friendship of the women who blog. thanks. carry on.

the rest of the story...

2008-08-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

so motherboard posts this really great story about how we met and i couldn't even get through it without crying. when she says she was a rockin' visiting teacher, she isn't kidding. she came every single month, with or without her companion, scriptures in hand and IN A DRESS! she had it so together and i was so jealous of her. see, i didn't know she lived down 'crack alley'. all i knew was what i saw. and that was this sharp dressed lady with her sharp dressed jefe and her perfect little things. she had this amazing knowledge of the scriptures and could sing like a bird! and she was so artsy fartsy too. why they made her my visiting teacher was beyond me. we could never be friends, we had nothing in common.

one day she showed up at my house and i almost didn't let her in. it was late in the afternoon and i was still in my jammies for goodness sakes! besides that, i was in the middle of a melt down and couldn't let her see me like that. i had been sitting at the kitchen table paying bills and as usual, our outgo was more than our income, our teenage daughter was testing her free agency, my son was going to be late for kindergarten (again), my mother-in-law lived with us, i was battling postpartum depression...and here's my visiting teacher at the door and she won't go away.

she came to my rescue that day. she took my son to school, brought me dinner, smiled when my mother-in-law insulted her and most importantly she listened to me. i can't count the times that motherboard has come to my rescue over the years. she is the truest of all friends. she can make me laugh when i don't feel like laughing and she can make me forget my 'cute little problems' after 38 seconds on the phone! i think we have spent more of our friendship laughing than anything else. (well, sometimes we gossip a little too).

once we went to 'time out for women' and shared a hotel room with 2 other gals and (i swear!) laughed ALL NIGHT LONG! we finally turned the lights off so we would shut up but then we all just laughed in the dark! i bet we only got about an hour sleep that night! what fun. i love that she is as nutty as i am, that we laugh at the same things, love the same books and movies, can tell each other anything and everything (and do).

so motherboard, my friend, thank you for showing up that day and for every day after that. what would i do without you? i love you.
and for those of you who haven't done their visiting teaching this month, GET OUT THERE! you never know ...

i'm awesome!

2008-08-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

so did you hear?! i am a winner! really. i am. i won a blog give away! and it has a bunch of cute stuff, too. including a straw bag (because everyone knows i adore straw bags!). it was at mikki's site but since i haven't taken motherboard's class on how to link to other people's blogs yet, you'll have to find it for yourself. and boy will you be jealous!

i was so excited when i won i called my friend motherboard to tell her and had to leave a message. she's getting back at me for hardly ever answering my phone, or maybe she was doing something frivolous like nursing her baby or cooking dinner. i don't know. apparently i didn't hang up when i thought i did and she got an ear full of me sing songing about how awesome i am! i would be totally embarrassed if it was anyone but her! (we know stuff about each other that would keep you laughing for weeks!)

anyways, i'm pretty jazzed about this giveaway. maybe i'll do one of my own. first i have to learn how to post pictures, and link, etc... maybe i'll try to talk motherboard into teaching an online blogging class. because you know with 3 things, a nursing moxie, a jefe and car funeral to arrange, she has oodles of free time!

NOT.

second mortgage...

2008-08-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness...is everyone else freaking out about the price of gas? when i fill up my tank i swear i come real close to stroking out. i have a mini van people. $75.00 to fill it up. hello! gas is finally down to $3.95, a couple of weeks ago it was $4.05! unbelievable. this is in illinois, btw.

just curious, what are you spending for gas and what do you do to keep from having to take out a second mortgage to take a family trip? seriously.

2008-08-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

oh yeah...i got some quirks alright

2008-08-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

okay. this is soooooooo lame. i didn't get tagged but i saw this on on someone's blog today and wanted to participate anyway. so i will pretend that my imaginary blogger friend tagged me and wanted to know 3 of my quirks. told you i was lame.

anyways, here goes:

1. funky breath! and not just your regular morning 'i haven't brushed my teeth yet' breath. i'm talking the kind that smells like other stuff. ex: i had a dentist who's breath smelled like cigars! can you believe that? and one time when i was a little girl my mom almost beat up santa claus because he was breathing his nasty whisky breath on the kids! i cannot do funky breath.
2. mean moms! if i am in the grocery store and i hear a mom yelling at her little kids it takes all the energy i have not to smack her! i don't mean the stern 'i'm the mommy and you need to listen to me' tone of voice. i'm talking about the total lack of self-control, venom spewing, 'someone call the authorities before i kill my own child' kind of behavior. come on lady, let's take this outside.
3. being late! and this might surprise you, but i don't mind too much if other people are a little late. but it drives me right out of my gourd that i cannot be on time. i can make an appointment, prepare 2 hours early and still be 15 minutes late! this is no joke. i am late to church almost every sunday. which is ridiculous because you can almost see the church from my house. pathetic.

sadly, there's more where those came from. these are are my top 3. so now you know. you better read this fast before i decide to delete it.

your mom goes to college...

2008-08-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

funny but true. i did it. i enrolled at the local college to finish my medical transcription certificate. probably the bravest thing i've done in a year. (what a wimp). stuck in my comfort zone. either to scared or too tired to venture out. well not any more. i am so excited. i am also scared to death.

i had to go in today and submit a writing sample. scary. this blog is about all the writing i do. before i left gracie and cass reminded me to say a prayer. boy did i pray hard. first, that i would have a clear mind and do well. second, that there would be a choice of topics and third, that i would have a clue about at least one of them! this was the one i picked: the american family used to be characterized by a working father, a homemaker mother and several well behaved children. in what ways is your family similar/different from this past typical image of the american family?

whew! i just started writing and before i knew i had over a page of essay done and was feeling pretty good about it. now i know we aren't the cleavers but i think we represent the typical family. and apparently the person reading the essay appreciated it because the note that came back said 'thanks for the occasional laugh'. typical and funny.

cool.

girl's camp...

2008-08-05T18:10:00.000-07:00

i didn't get to go this year. so sad. i had a blast last year (except when it was raining all over my stuff). alyx left this morning and i already miss her. alot. she is one of the few people who can make me laugh when i don't feel like laughing, or smile when i don't feel like smiling. she is just naughty enough to remind me that she is normal 15 year old girl.

speaking of naughty...she has sent me many texts from her cell phone today. we do that alot. just silly chit chat between us. then it occurred to me that she wasn't supposed to take her phone to girl's camp. 'no electronic devices allowed' to be exact. i mentioned it in my last text. her phone must have died because i haven't heard a peep out of her since. yeah, right.

yep, it's gonna be a long week.

good news, bad news...

2008-08-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

so i get this message this morning telling me not to go in to work tonight. what? i am pretty sure that you have to actually show up at work to get that little gem they call a paycheck at the end of the week. so i start thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts. the warehouse burned down. the computers crashed. the company was bought out. free day?! then reality sets in, could i have been fired? canned? given the boot? bingo. that's the bad news.

i am still considered a temporary employee so not only can they dismiss you at any time during the first 90 days, they don't even have to tell you why! sweet of them, don't you think? i could never have job where i have to be mean to people. at first if was freaking out cuz you know that little gem of a paycheck i get at the end of the week? i need that! my family needs that! i 'll admit that the job was really hard and the hours absolutely sucked the life right out of me but i did it for the paycheck! and now...?

well that's the good news. when i called the service to see what was going on she offered me another job. a day job (yay!) at a medical clinic (yay!) purging old medical files (yay!) for more money (woohoo!) what she didn't know is that i have been praying long and hard for this change. the first thing i did after getting off the phone was thank my Heavenly Father for hearing me even when some days i wasn't sure if he did. i feel so blessed.

what a great day.

if it doesn't work, fix it...

2008-07-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

i love my mom. i know she loves me too. as i was growing up i don't recall very many 'knock down drag outs' with her. i know we had our share of disagreements about the usual things...boys, clothes, boys, grades, boys...you know what i mean. i hear that alot of teenage girls and their moms have those. and then when the teenage girl grows up, everything is hunky dory between mother and child. well, things between me and my my mom are not hunky dory by any means. it is really starting to bother me. alot. more than alot. i need my mom. my husband and i have been considering some life changing decisions lately and i want to bounce them off of her. share them with her.

it has been so long since we've talked that i am hesitant to call. that's sad. i guess i just want her to have that 'mommy feeling' that i need her and just call me. we used to have that. i don't know what happened to it. i have a grown daughter myself and i can't stand going too long without talking to her. hmm...i don't get it.

i have decided to start making amends on my part, though. i am going to write a note every month to let her know what's going on around here with the kids and stuff. that way, i know i have the peace of mind in knowing that i am making the effort to reconnect. maybe hearts will be softened and healed in the process and we can get our relationship back on track. i hope so. i sure need my mom lately.